I met Owen. No-one has made me feel so bad, never in my life. I have met all kind of men, all kind of hunks, all kind of brains... and well.. all kind of stuff. What does make this one special... (I don't know); All the lovers I had, all my friends, all my fans, all my groupies, fade to nothing... Who am I? What do I do? Why do I feel like this horrid miserable thing I am?
We teased each other, and had some drinks... I did it a million times before, with a million of women and men. Then I asked him out on a date... what the hell... it were ages since the last time I had one... why not? Or why did I...? I barely can remember the way it happened because I was losing myself in his accent, in his eyes... I was no paying any attention to my life, to my mind... This is all a quirk of fate.
We danced, we drank, we ate, we chatted... and everything was special to me. I felt like if we were the only souls alive that night in the whole world. Then he left... nothing lasts forever, I thought to myself. And now and then I surprised myself thinking about him, and lying to myself repeating once and again that it meant nothing to me, as ever.
And today he wrote me... and so I've realized I had a crush on him. On him! Him that's only 22... Him, that's already parent... Him that's so gentle, and warm and made me feel like if I were unique. I hate myself for feeling this, and I hate him for making me feel it. And I know that this cannot go ahead... So, I cut it before is too late. Before this feelings rot and rot us with them.
Am I made of stone? If I were I wouldn't feel this way... I would not allow myself feeling this.
"I'll think of it all tomorrow. I can stand it then. After all, tomorrow is another day."
1 comment:
I so understand your pain...
My Chemical Romance
Post a Comment