Farewell my friends

Die at last

and rest if you shall.

Letters will fade

from your grave yard,

Wind shall blow and howl 

once more.

And yet I'll remember 

your cold touch.

May your souls rest in peace Thérèse & Jacques.

Lecture Time

I start over after this wedding week, just because yesterday Jan & Kim got married and I had a big time at Istanbul! But as I always am, I was in a rush and just couldn't stay for the afterparty.

I wish I was been even more cheerful just for a change. But it's not happening anytime soon, thus I'll have to hold the old way.

I start lecturing in Paris B. Leadershi, and I have had an interview with an student that seems as awkward as unable to ask for apprenticeship. So I'll have patience to him!

Maybe everything that dies, someday comes back.

I was in trouble; but I got along.

I fired Thérèse and Jacques, and I would like to say I had no chance, but I actually had it; and I decided to do it anyway. Both of them are about to die, and I feel so uneasy about that fact and even worse about the fact I got rid of them because they are about to pass away.

I talked to Kristen about it... she said it was fine for her; but I am amoral for that and I feel a vacuum growing within that may consume me.

Anyway, noticeable things happened last weeks. I focused my work in production for --Muse--; just because its leader is an incredible hunk and one of the nicest men on earth. We met at Paris, and got friends almost right away, no romance this time, I promise. :D

Soon there will be one more happy family in this vast world, because Esther is engaged to Kim Sheil and both will soon say "Yes, I do."

So I wish you just the best of happiness for this new life you begin together.


I will start lecturing at the Sorbonne on B. Leadership on 15/04 to 21/04: By the way, if anyone if willing to learn this skill, just send me a PM stating B. Leadership as subject and ask me for apprenticeship. I'll be the whole week in Paris and after the 14/04.

Deaf, blind, stupid... me.

Today is the day I feel... I am dying. What is this for...? I feel like crying anything hurts me... And the whole show began at London on the 20/02/2008.

I met Owen. No-one has made me feel so bad, never in my life. I have met all kind of men, all kind of hunks, all kind of brains... and well.. all kind of stuff. What does make this one special... (I don't know); All the lovers I had, all my friends, all my fans, all my groupies, fade to nothing... Who am I? What do I do? Why do I feel like this horrid miserable thing I am?

We teased each other, and had some drinks... I did it a million times before, with a million of women and men. Then I asked him out on a date... what the hell... it were ages since the last time I had one... why not? Or why did I...? I barely can remember the way it happened because I was losing myself in his accent, in his eyes... I was no paying any attention to my life, to my mind... This is all a quirk of fate.

We danced, we drank, we ate, we chatted... and everything was special to me. I felt like if we were the only souls alive that night in the whole world. Then he left... nothing lasts forever, I thought to myself. And now and then I surprised myself thinking about him, and lying to myself repeating once and again that it meant nothing to me, as ever.

And today he wrote me... and so I've realized I had a crush on him. On him! Him that's only 22... Him, that's already parent... Him that's so gentle, and warm and made me feel like if I were unique. I hate myself for feeling this, and I hate him for making me feel it. And I know that this cannot go ahead... So, I cut it before is too late. Before this feelings rot and rot us with them.

Am I made of stone? If I were I wouldn't feel this way... I would not allow myself feeling this.

"I'll think of it all tomorrow. I can stand it then. After all, tomorrow is another day."

Baa, baa, black sheep...

Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

Melbourne may have many hot points, and one of them is Black Sheep Gym. There I met Michele and Cristoph, it seems ages since the last time I saw them. This time our trip down under has been a little miserable, lots of work, none of fun (Does this sound different?).

We recorded a pair songs this week. Not too bad, not good enough, and shot a music video I produced. It turned out pleasant... well I won't allow myself complaining about because it was a quick thing that had to be done before we release the next single... and to this point nothing better could have been done.

I just realized I have a dictionary working over my writing and changing words here and there, once and again... and that many things lose their sense just because of a letter that the bloody thing thinks that has to be changed: as in "it turned out pleasant..." that it corrected with "it turned our pleasant". I just changed back the sentence but if something here doesn't make any sense to you, now you should know why it is for.

Frames from the video? None. I am fed up with groupies I cannot resist.

This week I found we had a new record sale's contract offer. Nothing as interesting as to leave Joost, that has been so nice to us. So I commented nothing to the bandmates. I feel like we are apart, by the side, and It may be me, and a feeling of my own, but it's the way I feel it. This is not the best of times for us as crew working for one purpose.

Gina Hawtin applied for the band... What should we do? Shes' contrabass player, and it may be a point having that instrument for modern versions of good oldies... but in the other hand... Well, she's not experienced enough... and she does look a little like a spoilt child. Time goes time...

Telling you about myself

What is your favorite colour?
-It depends on the way I feel it.

Where were you born?
-In a hospital I guess.

Where was your mom born?
-Where she was allowed to do so.

Where was your dad born?
-No idea.

Where is your best friend now?
-Here answering questions.

What was your first pet?
-A cat.

What was it's name?
-Robespierre, guess why.

What school did you go to?
-Did I do such a thing?

What was your favorite lesson?
-The one I was allowed to learn.

If history (like me) who was the most rad person you learned about?
-Kobe Tai.

Who was your best teacher?
-Life.

What do you do for a living?
-I am sales person (and I hate it!!!).

How many people on your top friends have you kissed?
-All of them, and many more who weren't even friends of mine.

Have you ever been arrested?
-Not yet.

To be continued...?

Good girls, sometimes turn naughty.

First of all, it was a misunderstood, and I wouldn't want that anyone would feel uneasy about it. I received a message about something I wrote in this blog, that made Kristen feel somehow bad... It was something I thought and I didn't want to get misunderstood. Sorry, if it hurt you.

Then I met very interesting people last week. Actually there were all men, and it's nothing wrong but all were handsome and attracting. And it made me feel strange surrounded by such Mr. Perfect hunks.

Thus I went nut... and planned a travel that's was actually out of context... And my band and myself were travelling from Spain to France and way back from France to Spain... and then after the show we'll be back to Paris.

In this time I asked Jacques out on a date we both failed as we were travelling back and forth. Holly dove!!! He told me it was his first time, and well of course it turned worst than anything. I don't know what I am even thinking about... Will I stay in Madrid tonight or will I set sails to Paris... who knows it?

Will I ever make up my mind about what to make out of myself? (...) (Silence)

-Nay.

A Muse has born...

From now on my name as star will be Calliope... Alma for friends. :D

I selected this name because I thought it matched my attitude very well (am I being selfish? ). In ancient Greek, Calliope that meant "beautiful-voiced" Καλλιόπη, was the muse of epic poetry, daughter of Zeus and Mnemosyne, and then best known as Homer's muse, inspiration for the Iliad and the Odyssey. She was the eldest and wisest of the Muses, as well as the most assertive. She was judge over Adonis between Aphrodite and Persephone, giving each equal time with him.

Afterwards my fame has rised to 62%, so I am almost a celebrity!!! nd so, this is the cover of our latest single released today Broken Free; Cute, isn't it?

And as I started writting this entry last week now my star has dropped down to the 31%. It isn't my lowest rate ever, but it could have lasted just a bit more. I thought of updatinf the STCC Adoption list, that is pending of update now... :( I'll do it as soon as possible.

Here goes a frame of our music video Awoke (they cried).

I had an affair... by mistake with Jacques while we were riding to London from the U.S. I don't know exactly the way it happened, we were happily chatting and suddenly this entry appeared in my diary:

02:06 I left town with Melissande.

03:44 741 € was stolen from me in Montreal - New York! The crime rate in Montreal is appalling!

04:23 Jacques Jazet and I had a awesome time snuggling.

05:45 I've got a sore neck after I spent the night in the bus.

As you can check it hasn't been the best trip ever!!! But well at last it seems it was awesome sex. I think the other people in the bus didn't noticed it happened because I haven't heard any comment or complain about it.

Afterwards Kristen sent me a note from Berlin asking about him... May she be interested about him? He's very cute... but just that. I find him very honest man, and that is actually something to take an account when meeting a person, but itdoesn't make enough material to make something out of it.

I'm not feeling well... The pain... It hurts.

It's been a hard week, because the last weeked I had a colic, and had to stay in bed for 2 days, and I had to rely on my band. They did it well, better than myself, and so I got a reward for all my suffering that wasn't little or easy to bear with. We are pleasant to be watched. And that's make me very happy, because I feel all my toil has borne fruits!!!!

And afterwards I got a terrible show at Singapore ;'( Wll not everything at Singapore was bad, no sir.

I arranged our tourbus schedule that's was a little I took a flight to Melbourne where I am supposed to meet my bandmates; Jacques & Thérèse who were a little upset for the delay on the trip. From here, sorry, it's my fault and I will compensate you for every single mistake made.



This pic was taken while I was checking arrivals and delays in the computer to see when my band and the stage equipment would be here in the land of Kangooro , in the Narrowhaven Market's cybercafe. Where I met Eduardo Garrote. I am sure he doesn't remember me (that's what happen when you meet a celebrity) but I met him first some months ago and I read his blog; I took him out for supper, late supper (1:45), and danced with him, and actually this is the first time I find someone who dances better than me, I thought I was going to impress him, but the boot's on the other foot and I got actually impressed.

STCC Adoption List

I have had little time for writing my thoughts lately, because I offered myself to help Peter Sen with the STCC adoption list, so we could ease and speed up the process.

After reading every post in the Adoption List thread I decided not to remove Sean Markham and Anelle Traylor who were listed by Odelia Brower until themselves ask me to do so.

Data compiled to generate the list was: Application Date, Surname & First Name, First entry date and parentage.

Sexuality and number of children owned has been omitted because it's a kind of data that doesn't help at all when generating a list and many people prefers to keep themselves their sexual options, and it reminds me something of fascists, and I won't follow that game. Sexuality is private and free and may be shared with beloved ones, but never used to discredit or discriminate, and I won't ever use it to make a list because I don't believe it is important to adopt a child.

By other way, private data that does not concern other people like owned number of children, application date and first entry date is not provided in the public list, but can be checked in the forum or by ID, but I am not providing it because I think it can lead to discussion I wouldn't like to take part of. Thus, the order has been corrected, first by chronological time and then by childless people, this does not mean that people with child isn't in the list but if two different persons have a 500 days experience, the childless one will have priority over the parent one.

Preferences of child age and genre are pointed in the list after names, but I find them quite useless while I understand that a Child is a gift and anyone would be happy to receive it even if it doesn't meet given preferences.

M=Male, Baby boy F=Female, Baby girl 0,0 = Preferred Age Range

Example;
1. Mathiasson Hannes (Hannes Mathiasson has no preference of genre or age)
9. Taylor Cindy M8 (Cindy Taylor prefers a Boy who's around 8 years old)
97. Perez Catalin F2,3 (Catalin Perez prefers a Girl who's between 2 & 3 years old)

1. Mathiasson Hannes
2. Delacruz Catherine M
3. Davis Terry M
4. Davis Stephen
5. Buijing Pablo
6. Grier Diana M
7. Costabile Joanne M
8. Fitzpatrick Otis
9. Taylor Cindy M8
10. Espin Templado Jaime
11. Stevenson Norman
12. Mangan Jonathon
13. Wray Leonard M
14. Cook Harley
15. Riihilahti Atte M
16. Moedt Flavia
17. Taylor Kevin M
18. Savolainen Pertti
19. Harris Carl
20. Marshall Kevin
21. Ivey Sherman
22. Rosewell Stephen
23. Hellewell Edith
24. Johnson Stuart
25. Rankin Julius
26. Langford Phil
27. Valkama Hanna
28. Crocker Steve
29. Bunker Steven
30. Read Stuart
31. Söderman Göran 1
32. Beugels Kees
33. Franken Ciske
34. Sosnin Afanasiy
35. Tarkki Petri
36. Konkka Sammi
37. Seals Todd F
38. Stanley Roberta F
39. Doss Allan
40. Åkesson Olle
41. Adams Elliot
42. Gunton Jamie
43. McDonagh Hugh
44. van Hees Harmen
45. Markham Sean
46. Malins Megan
47. Marttila Veiko M
48. Conde Luis M1,12
49. Barber Tara F
50. Nuttall Rhonda M
51. Weingärtner Hanna
52. Marques dos Santos Helena F
53. Bourque Chad
54. Stippel Chris
55. Nizienko Kostantin F
56. Vuorella Matti
57. Pavia Marques Carlos Gustavo M
58. Dauven Jan-Martin
59. Toland Wes 1
60. Adofsson Elisabeth 1
61. Komulainen Hanna
62. Sen Peter
63. de Figueredo Jadir
64. de Oliveira Zago Rosa Leticia F
65. Gamboa Somer
66. Mackenzie Dale
67. Almeida de Moraes Pammêla
68. Ritterbex Kristel
69. Danielsson Torbjörb
70. Metcaff Katelyn
71. Hemphill Tonita ,12
72. Reinders Rick
73. Olsson Stefan
74. Callaway Marybelle
75. Lipsanen Oiva
76. Kämäräinen Juho
77. Aguilo Paloma
78. Frijlink Koen
79. Hannila Julia F,1
80. Briggs Steve
81. Eagles Callan M
82. de Boer Bianca
83. Faust Dave
84. Nieuwdorp Joris
85. Holtel Sanne F
86. Mack Jan
87. Guardiola Luis María ,1
88. Carlsson Andreas
89. John Destiny
90. De Bentzmann Jean-Yves
91. Jacquelin Sophie F
92. Toivonen Jörgen
93. Meijbaum Joep
94. Allen Walsh M
95. Soisalon-Soininen Lillian
96. Crews Miriam F3
97. Perez Catalin F2,3
98. Waller Vera F3,5
99. Paez García Rafael Maria
100. Arago Lopez Arnaldo M
101. Distefano Paolino
102. Couve Babette
103. Slator Alma
104. Woodhouse Scott F,3
105. Linkoaho Kim
106. Conde Dorotea
107. Parker Joann
108. Williams Cathy F,1
109. Hawker Jamie M7
110. Svarva Jonas M
111. McArthur Sally M3
112. Fosse Petra
113. Traylor Anelle M
114. Goyo Felix M
115. Besteiro Mariposa F
116. Galison Wendy F
117. Vargas Adelaida
118. Katic Dražen
119. Crowder Rolanda 6
120. Toon Alexander
121. Lauzurica Ángel
122. Ahlen Per
123. Fuentes Andy F12
124. Contreras Myung
125. Corradi Amalia F
126. Yemenli Danis
127. Haywood April
128. Bladwald Johan F
129. Nedeljkovic Zdravka
130. Noe Byron
131. John Tara
132. Chicote Eugenia
133. Gaither Asuncion
134. Honeycutt Samantha M3
135. Wood Leslie
136. Cappuccini John M
137. Moreira Priscila F
138. Jones Gerry
139. Vance Ricky
140. Yesilyurt Naim
141. Capuano Pippo
142. Silvares Sandro
143. Golding Nordin
144. Riggins Belkis F
145. Jackson Destiny
146. Authier Bénédicte G5
147. Broekman Joop ,3
148. Pope Jim F
149. Martin Monica
150. Barth David
151. Dementevas Linas
152. Nieto Pilar ,3
153. Cabrera Pepe F,3
154. Müller Sabrina
155. Türktas Ulviye
156. Ashley Alan
157. Rubio Llorente Curro
158. Ruutu Rami
159. Watson Emile
160. Cairós Pastor
161. Eccleston Yolanda M,2
162. Maynard Floyd
163. Peters Adam
164. Braunholtz Leo M12
165. Atkinson Jeanne ,2
166. Gazioglu Erkin M
167. Padari Piret
168. İpekçe Doruk
169. Fleeton Stacy M5,1
170. Tirinen Juha
171. Benlliure Yaiza
172. Wicksted Lorraine
173. Camacho Gertrudis
174. Leftly David
175. Alzamora Romualdo
176. Johns Nicky ,1
177. Leppin Ariane
178. Topal Yalim M
179. Glavati Valentin M8
180. Westlake Tracy F
181. Kozlevac Jelena
182. Kempa Cristoph
183. Semiz Harun M
184. Foody Richard
185. Burdeos Cristobal
186. Harrod-Taylor Miguel F
187. Mahony Tiffany
188. Baldry Tara M
189. Rueda Lolo M5
190. Heathcote Gabriel M
191. Şimşit Özge 6,1
192. Krul Mirjam
193. Mear Annie F
194. Campbell David
195. Paine Ida F
196. Wainwright Yvonne
197. Hatter Geraldine M
198. Croxon William F,2
199. Benton Terri
200. Blake Holly
201. Braunschweig Iris F
202. Catty Regina
203. Bieze Barbara F
204. Kragulj Hrvojka
205. Blunt April 2,3
206. Jeavons Gerald
207. Bayram Seda M
208. Le Jeune Alice
209. McGuigan Dawn F
210. Westerfeldt Anna
211. Rundlius Marianne
212. de Padua Aleja Antonio M
213. Mimura Lauren
214. Frazier Sally
215. Jorge Mariana
216. Small Dylan F,3
217. Emery Mark M1,9
218. Delgado del Rincón Renato
219. Dean David ,8
220. Morningstar Jeanette F
221. Guiry Erin G
222. Willis Dylan
223. Tau Gail
224. Beune Bobbie 8
225. Snyder Erik
226. Spano Marianna F,3
227. van der Poel Joran ,5
228. Zilverberg Lars ,5
229. Mayoral Reyes F
230. Pape Jetty
231. Macedo Filho Zélia
232. Mendoza Sylvia
233. Dunne Stacey F
234. Kirpitci Tayfun F
235. Ingel Jüri
236. Kerremans Job ,5
237. Mariani Grazia
238. Adams Grace F
239. Coffin Robin
240. Novak Nick
241. Stien Emma ,1
242. Guerrini Anthony
243. Thomas Merv M11
244. Cleary Jerome M
245. Gürhan Peyami
246. Bienias Bernice
247. Davini Patrizia
248. Matia Portilla Suevia F
249. Niitsoo Aliis F
250. Parkes Tiffany
251. Moshos Gladys
252. Simmons Erin
253. Sheridan Anette F,3
254. Milne Emily F1,3
255. O'Moore Connie F,3
256. Gordon Jonathan M6,9
257. Brown Gina 1,3
258. Mumcu Bikem
259. Navarro Marie-Jeanne
260. Moon Jessie
261. Pivatto Serra Saulo M1,३

* Characters deceased while the list was being compiled:

• Buford Mavel
• Fraley Luke
• Vandenhirtz Hanna
• Mazzeschi Antonello
• Burns Ellen
• Clarke Erin
• Greco Toni
• Ansai Loretta
• Debowski Joann
• Karpliukaite Arvile
  

May the heaven bless them

The day the world changed its name.

I simply couldn't believe it.

How...? O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; (Romeo & Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2; William Shakespeare)

Probably not, but I wouldn't like to smell a rose called "poo". What the other name suggested me as I wrote down in the forum last week: "Britney Spears breaking out from a pink birthday cake". And please, don't misunderstand me, I respect her a lot, but I wouldn't go to a party where she would be the hot point.

I knew some people was stupid but since I know that Trinidad Fossas is trying to quit, just to start over... this kind of things drive me actually up the walls. I am really in rage. It's so easy for people giving up, so forget all your troubles, forget all your cares... and just start over. Life ain't that easy. Life is a very complicate nasty thing. But we've got to hold on, because there maybe something much better there ahead in the pathway.

We filmed the music video for Whisper, here there goes a frame of the video with my trying to pose as sexy thing. And I have to say that the whole team was great and helped me to feel very easy, something that is almost impossible for me in this kind of scenes.



It was fun! I felt a little naughty about the mobile thing.. but now its over, and I am back to my black silk dress (there's still a little of a fetishist in me).

Back to Istanbul, band reached the 2233 place on charts, our worst ever. But that's life. I wouldn't gain anything better by quitting (you know what I mean).

I got too much love running through my veins...

...just going to waste.

I kept touch with Jan this week, because the last one we went out together. He made me a kind offer I had to refuse... I actually had to. He's always very nice to me and I am very fond of him, he usually makes me smile and feel good, and I feel a little guilty for have confessed him about my inner wishes I should have kept for myself.



We are back to Helsinki, because our fame dropped drastically down over here, and it feels like we should warm the cold hands of our public in the northern countries, frozen by neglect.

The band drop down to the 60th place in charts, and I think this is a fact I mentioned in the last post; but members are doing actually well, and I would like to thanks Kristen, Thérèse and Jacques. You deserve anything good that life may bring you, I hope we all get reward for all the toil we are sweating.

I would actually like to meet all friends I lost contact with... because I am very focused in the band and I feel I missed out something important about old friends, most of them got married, and children... and I keep as ever, and even when I would not like to get married under any condition, I feel I am going counter clockwise with my decisions.

I would like to adopt a child because I feel I have care to give inside me waiting to be free. And I don't find a man I would like to father my child, because the men I have known up to now, wouldn't like to take care of a child, share its custody and cares and bring it up properly, not living together as couple (I am not looking for anything romantic) but as responsible parents who share custody of a living being that was wanted, sought, and loved. Friendship is a must for this purpose and sharing ideals actually mandatory.

Soul grave...

Took us down to the 62nd place in Classical Charts, but no black cloud will shade my joy. Jacques Jazet finally joined the band!!! An he seems to be an active member now. I am very happy about it because I wouldn't like to have let it down. And groupies actually love him!!!!



I had some correspondence with Danny because he was father last week and I wanted to congratulate him. If you read this, Congratulations again for your newborn baby boy!!! I have always kept my right eye on him, and it's been no secret because I use to keep touch with him for a long time. I have always had the secret wish to share something more with him... this have been a little deception and a low kick that's brought me back to reality. And downtimes are great for working on music... this may bring me a great chance to do something big.

Did I ever mention something about a STCC Adoption list? Nay... I will no go back over the same old tale. Or else... I will. I attach hereto a letter submitted and published at It's Pop London edition 177, for all those who couldn't read it on time:


Dear people,

I submit this letter to everyone concerned about adoption issues and those who think they are not. Actually, we do not have an adoption system out from parenthood, and probably is a thing that should be reviewed.

For those who claim that adopting or even fostering makes people to dream of being child-saving heroes, or having a child by doing nothing... The only thing I can say, louder and clearer everyday is that I wish someone would have taken care of me when my parents got divorced. I wish every single second of my life that my mother wasn't a bot, and I wish I could get to know her and IM her... and maybe interact with her and my daddy. Not to be just a happy family, but to know where I came from, and who were the people who made me. Probably most of people don't care while the play their roles.

But I do care and I would like to give another person the option I was denied. A chance to get to know someone who did care enough to make it survive and live as a whole person, and not to look behind at its background as an NPC generated past.

I don't mean to be a hero, nor take any kind of interest far beyond the fact I don't plan to have a child biologically on my own, but I may afford to take care of a child given birth by any other person, and I am willing to do it.

Sincerely yours,

A.S.

I wish I were...

I met many strangers on last weeks... I got actually strange propositions and messages, but were amusing after all. But I didn't feel funny, smart and sexy enough to follow their way.

I was fired from job, and I found another one, not with the same wage... but I got a salary rise the first day, thanks to my boss.


And meanwhile, composed, recorded and released to my producer a new single entitled Soulgrave.


I am dating Jan Eriksson... but I think this going out routine has nothing of a romantic background, because he is a very nice and when I say nice y mean actually NICE guy. And he makes me feel comforted, calmed, paceful... Here I posted a pic a friend made us with the mobile... I think this downtime hast a lot to do with that marriage issue, that's driving me crazy and incredibly sad... and addoption list delay actually doesn't help. I don't believe in marriage... and it's become an achievement... and I see myself going out with married friends, who are parents as well, and have a family nest out there... and I see myself as I were empty. With nothing to show, nothing to offer.


Carla Walker left the band... she had personal reasons to do it...Damn me.

Bootched party planning!!!

Back in the U.S.A.!!!

I thought we actually could rock the cashbah, but nothing did happen... nothing as expected. Our show in B.A., Mexico and Brazil, were actually mediocre. I thought we could throw up every single skill, but damn... Impossible is anything. It seems we're damned. Damn everything I do.

Luck turns its back to me. After I've spent ages learning about party planning to see myself ready to ask out on a date to a special someone... And by misfortune found myself alone & lonely in Nashville (Music City) because I thought it would be preferably flying from B.A. to Nashville better than driving the coach all the way up, for 22 HOURS!!!!


My health came down, my mood wasted away and my pocket got broken. In this funny and fair situation waiting for my bandmates to arrive on time for our last show, I met an oldtimes friend (who now is a VIP) to talk with in the airport. What a nice fellow! It's been a pleasure to chat with Jan, who told me about his tour, that he will finish travelling to Australia... recalling me that I wanted to follow that way when I first came to design our tour. Then we kissed each other goodby (in somehow very chaste way)making me feel like the eldest spinster in town.

Thus, here finishes the turn about... I saw J.L.. crossing the street... and decided I could never forgive myself for ignoring him this time, so I fighted my shy side... which is the larger side I own and defeated it, crossing some words with such a hunk.

It made me feel just not like the eldest spinster in town but just like a fool myself. The worst part was yet to come, because I dared to ask him out on a date, and he agreed!!!!Did I see a smile in the face of goddess fortune??? Nay... she's laughing at me. We danced, we ate, we chatted.. What did fail? I have no answer for that question but the date just turned HORRENDOUS!!!!

5* Dancing, Sex appeal, Party Planning, a sweet charm and IQ didn't help me to make me noticed by him. this way of life is wearing me down.

N.Y. will be arsoned before I ask anyone else out for lunch.

By the way, and feeling such a miserable soul, neglected by human and other beings... I booked a Jam session. If life is going to make me feel like an old sock, I am going to make life feel like used knickers, smelly and broken.

Thérèse comes and goes and keeps on rehearsing old scens. How many times does she think we should film that bloody video?

Jacques Jazet came back from his holidays but I think he's giving up his application to join the band, because he told me nothing about since he showed up last time and yet this situation is feeding me up.

Kristen Sved's become the most trusted member in the band and Carla Walker the most famous after Thérèse... And me... that I pay the bills, manage the band, plan the shows, fix the coach on trips... and make the wheels turn... I get not even a sympathetic gesture. So, I am thinking to leave the band... Should I? Will I dare? It's cost me all my money, bank loans, friendship, toil, tears, blood and sweat... and now to get rid of it... would it make me actually free?

Tomorrow I'll think all about it... tomorrow I'll think.

Wester Tour: New Continent

After these weeks in Europe, and an special farewell to the city of Glasgow where I lived and met very special people I call them now friends, we head our ways to America where we'll perform in Mexico, Buenos Aires, New York, Nashville, Rio de Janeriro, Los Angeles, Montreal and Toronto.

Our performances were criticized as decent!!! which is better than what I had in mind. Thérèse still in holidays, Jacques ditto... and my firing finger starts itching.

Anyway and if it does not come to matter, here I post a shot of our last filmed music video Lux Eterna. I actually hated the hairstyle they did on me... but well, I suppose that was the least to be expected to reach top 20 on radio charts. Music videos see, to be quite helpful when it comes to popularize songs. But running topless through the graveyard was too much enough!!!

My embassy application seems to be lost, or will take long-long more than expected time to be reviewed. That's something I actually hate. Waiting not knowing until when and what for. Same thing goes for the STCC Adoption List that I don't know when it will be updated, and I feel a dazzled by all that's going on.

365 days!!! Tempus fugit.

Thérèse is still on holiday. Her days off seem to last forever and what is worse, she keeps on rehearsing old scenes... So I cond't even mention her abour Jacques (who has been lately off as well), and that's driving me up the walls because I cannot count on them for anything at all.

First I accepted Jacques application but after checking he's idle (that lasts now about three weeks now) I fired him from the band. Not of course, before sending him a note to make him clear what happened (I am affraid of all that people who lately died around me) and paying him €1,000-. for the inconveniences. He'll be welcome if he comes back from the dark side.

Meanwhile as written before, Thérèse was off, and I couldn't relay on her to sort this subject out and decided to look for some more bandmembers.

I thought first about Michele Chady, a cello player I met some time ago. But she gently declined my invitation to join Melissande, just as she did in the past. She told me she's living a hard time, & so I must undertand it... I must confess by other way, that I would have liked her to accept because I have known of her constancy.

Anyway... well I played some notes, just to echo... and accepted Kristen Sved in the band. She's a little too much euphoric, plays the zither and has some notions of violin...which I don't think that would be a problem for Thérèse who is an authentic virtuoso of that instrument. I hope Kristen will learn basic scene skill or else I see our place in charts sinking like an abandoned vessel. She's accountant, her mother was a famous media celeb. and she planed to go to N.Y. to study at the college but was never accepted there. Who is to blame?

I miss Francis a lot... a lot... He may be now in his way to Rio, and I have known by an excerpt of his blog that his children's mother passed away. I am so sad about them, but I am sure they will be strong enough to face this downtime.

After a long-long silence.

Breaking silence it's always difficult, but a little noise is enough to spread the sound over the space and have a great echo. So I'll try to remember the best hits happened last fortnight.

My former friend Alain Verrat just died. I was so upset. Sometimes life just isn't what it should be. I couldn't assist to the funeral, and I have to say that he wasn't the same last times we met. His behaviour was erratic as if he were losing his mind... sad thing that sometimes happen, some must go to allow others to come.

We filmed our first and yet last music video... I couldn't rehearse my scene to the 100% and Rod failed to produce it.. so it just came out sweet. That it is not a bad thing but it could have been better.

421 € was stolen from me in Dubrovnik - Rim! The crime rate in Dubrovnik is appalling! I thought that no one would dare to steal me in my own tour bus, but it seems that my thoughts and real life have little to do together.

Jonatan Stalley made me put in 890 € for the bill at Pizzeria Dolce Vita last week, and that's reminds me that I should advise newbies to gain money before asking out other people. Our relationship seems to be doomed since it started. But I wish him good luck because he's quite nice but our date was actually poor.

Frankie wrote me a note last week... I feel so rude! I haven't answer him yet, and he's a sweetie... that's just to tell me he's in love. What a lovely thing!!! He changed his pic to a bullfighter theme, but he didn't look pretty in such a disguise. And I think He've relized of it, because he is back to his last photo. Even when I think the tatto theme was much more sexy!!! Well, he's in love now, whatever next?

I know nothing about the adoption issues, I have published an article and a letter about the subject in English and Spanish... one in the It's Pop London edition and the other for Barcelona Edition. I don't know if readers will hit this ball, but I expect the awake to the adoption need. Do I expect much of strangers?

I applied to get an Embassy.. No answer was given to me. Papers must take long time to be reviewed and the be rejected. I don't know... or I know much about nothing that's the same that knowing nothing.

Jacques was accepted as a new band member. I hope we improve quicker now and climb up the charts, next will I start seriously composing, after we have jammed all our repertoire to the max in Paris. I hope he join us soon in the city of Love.

Grow Shop

Back to the Netherlands where Dutch people cut the best cheese, chocolate and diamonds ever seen by human beings...

I decided to acquire some nex skills, so I bought some book, and I started learning the ancient science of Illusionism (I hope this will help my career).


Meanwhile I am waiting for the STCC Adoption List to be updated. Always crossing fingers... ALWAYS. P. Sen who is the person in charge to compile the STCCAL, IM me and confirmed I am in. That gave me a mood boost!!! Just when I thought all hope was lost.

I've met Joan Lluis again. I don't mean to be tiresome, but he is probably the cutest thing around, what a shape!!! what a face!!! and what manners!!! He's Extraordinarily Nice...

In the other hand I met again with a person I wish I have never passed by her side. I cannot say I hate her, because I wouldn't bother myself knowing her, but the little I know makes me very disappointed. Some people behaviour is unintelligible; when you harm no-one, and interact as you feel it... suddenly this kind of person comes around gossiping about anything... and is this kind of comments and unkind thoughts that were never thought to be created, what makes me thing that some people are rotten. I hate this nasty things.


I was kissed passionately by Stewart! And more things came after... ;) I love him because he's very nice, and there's no engagement between us. We just meet, have good time, and the say goodbye. That's musch like me.

Benjamín Valero Gonzalez asked me out on a romantic date at Pizzeria Dolce Vita on 28/07/2007 at 15:00. And I just reead his note at 15:15!!! It's a shame that I couldn't accept his proposal... It's been a long time since the last time I was asked out for dating. Damn!

I asked Rod to produce our music video in Madrid, I hope I can direct it for that time and rehearse the Scene!!! Thérèse ask me to tell her when I think the time has come to start working in our roles for the video... Let's see what comes out of this.

Stonehenge & Lost children

I visited Joe at the Heart Foundation. What a poor thing he was! He's getting better but it will take him some time yet to get health back. Nurses are treating him better than he deserves. You spoiled big child! Take care Joe!

I got to Stonehenge, WOW!!! Is it not the most amazing thing that ever happen to me? Well, it may not be. The way in happened must be a secret, I am affraid if I tell anyone, I get slaid.

This week I got once and again over the subject of being mother, there's no father around for a child I could give birth. And suddenly as my amazin journey... it happened! I was ovulating when I read this thread in the forum STCC Adoption List. I applied, I IM the people who is making the list but I got no satisfactory answer from them.
There are so many abandoned. maltreated and abused children out there... I wish I could take care of one...
I have good moments to share, and my little Robespierre is not enough.



I am a bit fed up with groupies... their sex skills are all truly abysmal... and doing them once a week in the back seat of our newly acquired rusty old nightliner is not what I expected from life. Nothing interesting happened afterwards... I may plan an Eastern Tour and play in America again with my band... meanwhile I wait.

Starborn

Back and kicking in London Town!!!!



Our first single was released last week that has sold 38,645 copies. We are filming the clip next, anytime soon!!! I must hurry up if I want to get a good performance, because my production and acting skills are under limits.


Francis Abbott IM me... :) He's so nice. I hope I will see him soon.

Stewart Lonsdale and I shared things... not bad, for a long time friend who is being followed upto the toilet by fans and hunted by paparazzi.

In a differnet order of things, Jacques is almost ready to join the band!!! I must compose something special for that moment.

I promise writing this week later on... it's going to be a busy, busy hadrcore fight.

The Great Zeb

I must confess my gratitude to a great friend and colleague, Zebulon Gurley who has recently produced our first single:



Things went fine this week, our performances are above average and we did not have to travel a lot. I have been out clubbing the first days of the week, but no inspiration was drained out of my night experiences I joined the tadelle and Twelve Monkeys on stage, though shows were below average.

I met Stewart after a long time, it seems that ages has passed since the last time I saw him. And now he had his third child, he is always so kind... he changed his look and now he looks a little like Roger Waters. ;) He is even sexier, if this were possible.

I have become lover of Kees, and he is somehow nice but I am not satisfied with this relationship which is simplified to sex. And he is not the kind of man you fall in love with, because he can get to be a bit of arrogant and indifferent and we don't even talk to each other. He just means no compromise.

I saw Rod Streeter for a couple of hours... He was the first man I dated that was important to me.

Jan Eriksson asked me out on a date, I tried to dance I swear... what happened next I don't know.
I just awoke in the tourbus in our way to Paris: City of Love. I am afraid to be loosing the most important part of myself looking for what I think is important right now.

Paris tojours, toujours l'amour.

At our arrival to la ville, I received a message of Frankie saying that he's read this blog. Kisses & hugs with cream for you... because I appreciate very much you like it, and I actually enjoyed the time we had together.

Danny Hartsent me a message, something I feel he does everytime he has nothing to do. I just wish I was wrong.

To be continued...

Am I then traveling to the temple of Eliza?

I just arrived.

London town, so old so homely. Mum, I am home. I've come to stay and I expect not to go.

Now I have time to meet those old friends who thought me away. Even I when I collected good memories for the last week my fame in my home country has drop to bottom dwelling, and that is something I must fix as soon as possible.

Clubbing and composing won't help me; but an artist must do what it must do, as I always repeat up to nausea.Talking to media and going to gym would do me some good, but who did say I would like good things?


Luck smiles at me, Esther Adams asked me out on a romantic date, which will not actually be romantic, because she and me have been friends for a long time and with the gig lost touch... Nevermind.


I IM Francis and finally he kissed me today. May it have been an accident? :O Probably, but I hope it wasn't because it is the cutest thing that has recently happened to me. And, Oh My!!!! I wish it were true. He is so nice, so gentle...

Jim wrote me from Buenos Aires, he told me he's thinking of leading a jazz band, but that he cannot find a good name and people to carry on. Time goes time. He's new to music and has many things to learn but he's eager to, and that's a great thing to take into account. I am sure his dreams will come true, sooner than he thinks.

I was to Brussels and it was cold, rainy and somehow terrible. I hope we have better weather next time, and in addition I had no Valentine. Sniff...

Music in the air

We are on our way to Brussels... this is going to be a long trip; I received a message from Zeb he is so cute that decided to improve his skills on Basic Record Production to produce our first single. We'll meet in London in about two weeks and I really look forward that moment to come.

I have met actually interesting people in Turkey even Francis was there. As it is coming to be usual he did not even notice me, and it is a fact that sometimes drives me up the walls. Because I feel very happy everytime I see him, and he does not feel anything at all when I am around. I think I am making a fool of myself worrying about someone who does not even know that I do exist. Sniff...

I am NOT feeling miserable anymore.

Thérèse is busy, but she will be happy when she finds out that I am redistributing band's profits. So she will find her pocket full when she's back. We got an old scratched coach, we call tourbus, so we are ready to class the kasbah!

(Moan)

Then and again back with the old tale... WIll I ever find a father for my child? Do I ask too much from men that I cannot find one good enough to this task?

As homework I will write down five requisites to fulfill and then have a deep search. If anyone is interested, IM me.

So decent

The Classical competition in Tallinn finished with our first decent performance... could it have been better? Sure. But I am the only one to blame.

I am still improving skills, I wih I could do it faster... but it seems to take me forever to get a single star.

Back to Amsterdam for two concerts.

This weeks nothing relevant happened... :S What boring, no fans no friends. Just work & work, and then more work. And just when I thought I would never go on groupies, I had to. There's no excuse for this behaviour and there's actually nothing to be excused, it's what it had to be done.



I saw Dara but he didn't notice me. Now I am in my way back to Ankara, I hope this time we can cjavascript:void(0)arry on to the end with a good show. People in Turkey there's a bit fed up with us. They may be don't understand the classical genre as we perform it, but we are willing to get them on our side. So we will try harder and harder until they walk with us.

I am planning to change our little minivan, so confy for this pretty almost brand new dented tourbus!



The trip to Ankara just began. Let's see what do we do next.

Welcame to Tallin

After an above average show in Melbourne, our business in Australia faded, and back we came to the old continent, via Moscow. And afterwards here we are, in Estonia for first time in a city named Tallin.


Fooling around up to our next concert next week, only Augusto in the whole world remembered my birthday, and he was away... That's life, and it's all mine. Darn it.

In the other hand, Hugo Gemill asked me out on a date, but it was too late and I so was sleepy that I could not realize what he was saying... and damn myself he's now in Moscow. Too late to accept it but early enough to regret it.

What am I doing of my life? I wander from town to town, from stage to stage... I feel like a bloody piece of flesh playing my part for the clapping public. Taking off my feelings anytime I take over the piano... performing the old songs once and again. I have no time to compose, not even to recognize the face the mirror returns to me.



Danny wrote me a note... it's been long since the last time we met. I've recently known he started a new band... no comments.

I am not feeling kind of moody today... so I'll stop writing, I better go and have a bath, it's going to be a long, long time until we get back to London.

This pain is killing me

Ouch!!! What was that? We got to the land of Kangaroo just to find ourselves alone... Well I don't actually know the way Thérèse is facing this fact. She will probably be ok with her baby. I haven't seen them in a while, but I know they are around.



I met some interesting people with 0 experience days... promising. If they don't give up after one month is passed they'll reach far.

I went back to my exercise program, I look healthier now.. but am I actually healthier? I don't think so. People do not actually care if I am healthy or not, they only expect me to look as if I were. Thus, so far, so good.



I met Kees Beugels we had just sex. It wasn't great, it wasn't polite, and it wasn't politically correct nor even proper but it was safe. I think both were in need of it. Then he went back with his band to Ankara where they are to play this week. No farewell. No responsibilities.

The same day I had a drink with Augusto Galvez he's a nice guy who went VIP. Anyway, he didn't ask me out on a date and he missed it out.

I have tried to interact with Francis Abbott but there's no way to reach him. He looked deaf and blind when it come to me, probably because he's a celebrity... finally I IM him, and he reacted. Usually, I don't like interacting with famous people.

My star quality went up to 24%!!!

And I asked Zebulon Gurley to produce our first single!!! He's the cutest thing on earth!!! We do not know each other very well, and he did not have any skill of that kind but he is learning to become our producer!!! Thanks a lot Zeb!!!!