Farewell my friends

Die at last

and rest if you shall.

Letters will fade

from your grave yard,

Wind shall blow and howl 

once more.

And yet I'll remember 

your cold touch.

May your souls rest in peace Thérèse & Jacques.

Maybe everything that dies, someday comes back.

I was in trouble; but I got along.

I fired Thérèse and Jacques, and I would like to say I had no chance, but I actually had it; and I decided to do it anyway. Both of them are about to die, and I feel so uneasy about that fact and even worse about the fact I got rid of them because they are about to pass away.

I talked to Kristen about it... she said it was fine for her; but I am amoral for that and I feel a vacuum growing within that may consume me.

Anyway, noticeable things happened last weeks. I focused my work in production for --Muse--; just because its leader is an incredible hunk and one of the nicest men on earth. We met at Paris, and got friends almost right away, no romance this time, I promise. :D

Soon there will be one more happy family in this vast world, because Esther is engaged to Kim Sheil and both will soon say "Yes, I do."

So I wish you just the best of happiness for this new life you begin together.


I will start lecturing at the Sorbonne on B. Leadership on 15/04 to 21/04: By the way, if anyone if willing to learn this skill, just send me a PM stating B. Leadership as subject and ask me for apprenticeship. I'll be the whole week in Paris and after the 14/04.

I'm not feeling well... The pain... It hurts.

It's been a hard week, because the last weeked I had a colic, and had to stay in bed for 2 days, and I had to rely on my band. They did it well, better than myself, and so I got a reward for all my suffering that wasn't little or easy to bear with. We are pleasant to be watched. And that's make me very happy, because I feel all my toil has borne fruits!!!!

And afterwards I got a terrible show at Singapore ;'( Wll not everything at Singapore was bad, no sir.

I arranged our tourbus schedule that's was a little I took a flight to Melbourne where I am supposed to meet my bandmates; Jacques & Thérèse who were a little upset for the delay on the trip. From here, sorry, it's my fault and I will compensate you for every single mistake made.



This pic was taken while I was checking arrivals and delays in the computer to see when my band and the stage equipment would be here in the land of Kangooro , in the Narrowhaven Market's cybercafe. Where I met Eduardo Garrote. I am sure he doesn't remember me (that's what happen when you meet a celebrity) but I met him first some months ago and I read his blog; I took him out for supper, late supper (1:45), and danced with him, and actually this is the first time I find someone who dances better than me, I thought I was going to impress him, but the boot's on the other foot and I got actually impressed.

I got too much love running through my veins...

...just going to waste.

I kept touch with Jan this week, because the last one we went out together. He made me a kind offer I had to refuse... I actually had to. He's always very nice to me and I am very fond of him, he usually makes me smile and feel good, and I feel a little guilty for have confessed him about my inner wishes I should have kept for myself.



We are back to Helsinki, because our fame dropped drastically down over here, and it feels like we should warm the cold hands of our public in the northern countries, frozen by neglect.

The band drop down to the 60th place in charts, and I think this is a fact I mentioned in the last post; but members are doing actually well, and I would like to thanks Kristen, Thérèse and Jacques. You deserve anything good that life may bring you, I hope we all get reward for all the toil we are sweating.

I would actually like to meet all friends I lost contact with... because I am very focused in the band and I feel I missed out something important about old friends, most of them got married, and children... and I keep as ever, and even when I would not like to get married under any condition, I feel I am going counter clockwise with my decisions.

I would like to adopt a child because I feel I have care to give inside me waiting to be free. And I don't find a man I would like to father my child, because the men I have known up to now, wouldn't like to take care of a child, share its custody and cares and bring it up properly, not living together as couple (I am not looking for anything romantic) but as responsible parents who share custody of a living being that was wanted, sought, and loved. Friendship is a must for this purpose and sharing ideals actually mandatory.

Bootched party planning!!!

Back in the U.S.A.!!!

I thought we actually could rock the cashbah, but nothing did happen... nothing as expected. Our show in B.A., Mexico and Brazil, were actually mediocre. I thought we could throw up every single skill, but damn... Impossible is anything. It seems we're damned. Damn everything I do.

Luck turns its back to me. After I've spent ages learning about party planning to see myself ready to ask out on a date to a special someone... And by misfortune found myself alone & lonely in Nashville (Music City) because I thought it would be preferably flying from B.A. to Nashville better than driving the coach all the way up, for 22 HOURS!!!!


My health came down, my mood wasted away and my pocket got broken. In this funny and fair situation waiting for my bandmates to arrive on time for our last show, I met an oldtimes friend (who now is a VIP) to talk with in the airport. What a nice fellow! It's been a pleasure to chat with Jan, who told me about his tour, that he will finish travelling to Australia... recalling me that I wanted to follow that way when I first came to design our tour. Then we kissed each other goodby (in somehow very chaste way)making me feel like the eldest spinster in town.

Thus, here finishes the turn about... I saw J.L.. crossing the street... and decided I could never forgive myself for ignoring him this time, so I fighted my shy side... which is the larger side I own and defeated it, crossing some words with such a hunk.

It made me feel just not like the eldest spinster in town but just like a fool myself. The worst part was yet to come, because I dared to ask him out on a date, and he agreed!!!!Did I see a smile in the face of goddess fortune??? Nay... she's laughing at me. We danced, we ate, we chatted.. What did fail? I have no answer for that question but the date just turned HORRENDOUS!!!!

5* Dancing, Sex appeal, Party Planning, a sweet charm and IQ didn't help me to make me noticed by him. this way of life is wearing me down.

N.Y. will be arsoned before I ask anyone else out for lunch.

By the way, and feeling such a miserable soul, neglected by human and other beings... I booked a Jam session. If life is going to make me feel like an old sock, I am going to make life feel like used knickers, smelly and broken.

Thérèse comes and goes and keeps on rehearsing old scens. How many times does she think we should film that bloody video?

Jacques Jazet came back from his holidays but I think he's giving up his application to join the band, because he told me nothing about since he showed up last time and yet this situation is feeding me up.

Kristen Sved's become the most trusted member in the band and Carla Walker the most famous after Thérèse... And me... that I pay the bills, manage the band, plan the shows, fix the coach on trips... and make the wheels turn... I get not even a sympathetic gesture. So, I am thinking to leave the band... Should I? Will I dare? It's cost me all my money, bank loans, friendship, toil, tears, blood and sweat... and now to get rid of it... would it make me actually free?

Tomorrow I'll think all about it... tomorrow I'll think.

Wester Tour: New Continent

After these weeks in Europe, and an special farewell to the city of Glasgow where I lived and met very special people I call them now friends, we head our ways to America where we'll perform in Mexico, Buenos Aires, New York, Nashville, Rio de Janeriro, Los Angeles, Montreal and Toronto.

Our performances were criticized as decent!!! which is better than what I had in mind. Thérèse still in holidays, Jacques ditto... and my firing finger starts itching.

Anyway and if it does not come to matter, here I post a shot of our last filmed music video Lux Eterna. I actually hated the hairstyle they did on me... but well, I suppose that was the least to be expected to reach top 20 on radio charts. Music videos see, to be quite helpful when it comes to popularize songs. But running topless through the graveyard was too much enough!!!

My embassy application seems to be lost, or will take long-long more than expected time to be reviewed. That's something I actually hate. Waiting not knowing until when and what for. Same thing goes for the STCC Adoption List that I don't know when it will be updated, and I feel a dazzled by all that's going on.

365 days!!! Tempus fugit.

Thérèse is still on holiday. Her days off seem to last forever and what is worse, she keeps on rehearsing old scenes... So I cond't even mention her abour Jacques (who has been lately off as well), and that's driving me up the walls because I cannot count on them for anything at all.

First I accepted Jacques application but after checking he's idle (that lasts now about three weeks now) I fired him from the band. Not of course, before sending him a note to make him clear what happened (I am affraid of all that people who lately died around me) and paying him €1,000-. for the inconveniences. He'll be welcome if he comes back from the dark side.

Meanwhile as written before, Thérèse was off, and I couldn't relay on her to sort this subject out and decided to look for some more bandmembers.

I thought first about Michele Chady, a cello player I met some time ago. But she gently declined my invitation to join Melissande, just as she did in the past. She told me she's living a hard time, & so I must undertand it... I must confess by other way, that I would have liked her to accept because I have known of her constancy.

Anyway... well I played some notes, just to echo... and accepted Kristen Sved in the band. She's a little too much euphoric, plays the zither and has some notions of violin...which I don't think that would be a problem for Thérèse who is an authentic virtuoso of that instrument. I hope Kristen will learn basic scene skill or else I see our place in charts sinking like an abandoned vessel. She's accountant, her mother was a famous media celeb. and she planed to go to N.Y. to study at the college but was never accepted there. Who is to blame?

I miss Francis a lot... a lot... He may be now in his way to Rio, and I have known by an excerpt of his blog that his children's mother passed away. I am so sad about them, but I am sure they will be strong enough to face this downtime.

Grow Shop

Back to the Netherlands where Dutch people cut the best cheese, chocolate and diamonds ever seen by human beings...

I decided to acquire some nex skills, so I bought some book, and I started learning the ancient science of Illusionism (I hope this will help my career).


Meanwhile I am waiting for the STCC Adoption List to be updated. Always crossing fingers... ALWAYS. P. Sen who is the person in charge to compile the STCCAL, IM me and confirmed I am in. That gave me a mood boost!!! Just when I thought all hope was lost.

I've met Joan Lluis again. I don't mean to be tiresome, but he is probably the cutest thing around, what a shape!!! what a face!!! and what manners!!! He's Extraordinarily Nice...

In the other hand I met again with a person I wish I have never passed by her side. I cannot say I hate her, because I wouldn't bother myself knowing her, but the little I know makes me very disappointed. Some people behaviour is unintelligible; when you harm no-one, and interact as you feel it... suddenly this kind of person comes around gossiping about anything... and is this kind of comments and unkind thoughts that were never thought to be created, what makes me thing that some people are rotten. I hate this nasty things.


I was kissed passionately by Stewart! And more things came after... ;) I love him because he's very nice, and there's no engagement between us. We just meet, have good time, and the say goodbye. That's musch like me.

Benjamín Valero Gonzalez asked me out on a romantic date at Pizzeria Dolce Vita on 28/07/2007 at 15:00. And I just reead his note at 15:15!!! It's a shame that I couldn't accept his proposal... It's been a long time since the last time I was asked out for dating. Damn!

I asked Rod to produce our music video in Madrid, I hope I can direct it for that time and rehearse the Scene!!! Thérèse ask me to tell her when I think the time has come to start working in our roles for the video... Let's see what comes out of this.

Music in the air

We are on our way to Brussels... this is going to be a long trip; I received a message from Zeb he is so cute that decided to improve his skills on Basic Record Production to produce our first single. We'll meet in London in about two weeks and I really look forward that moment to come.

I have met actually interesting people in Turkey even Francis was there. As it is coming to be usual he did not even notice me, and it is a fact that sometimes drives me up the walls. Because I feel very happy everytime I see him, and he does not feel anything at all when I am around. I think I am making a fool of myself worrying about someone who does not even know that I do exist. Sniff...

I am NOT feeling miserable anymore.

Thérèse is busy, but she will be happy when she finds out that I am redistributing band's profits. So she will find her pocket full when she's back. We got an old scratched coach, we call tourbus, so we are ready to class the kasbah!

(Moan)

Then and again back with the old tale... WIll I ever find a father for my child? Do I ask too much from men that I cannot find one good enough to this task?

As homework I will write down five requisites to fulfill and then have a deep search. If anyone is interested, IM me.

This pain is killing me

Ouch!!! What was that? We got to the land of Kangaroo just to find ourselves alone... Well I don't actually know the way Thérèse is facing this fact. She will probably be ok with her baby. I haven't seen them in a while, but I know they are around.



I met some interesting people with 0 experience days... promising. If they don't give up after one month is passed they'll reach far.

I went back to my exercise program, I look healthier now.. but am I actually healthier? I don't think so. People do not actually care if I am healthy or not, they only expect me to look as if I were. Thus, so far, so good.



I met Kees Beugels we had just sex. It wasn't great, it wasn't polite, and it wasn't politically correct nor even proper but it was safe. I think both were in need of it. Then he went back with his band to Ankara where they are to play this week. No farewell. No responsibilities.

The same day I had a drink with Augusto Galvez he's a nice guy who went VIP. Anyway, he didn't ask me out on a date and he missed it out.

I have tried to interact with Francis Abbott but there's no way to reach him. He looked deaf and blind when it come to me, probably because he's a celebrity... finally I IM him, and he reacted. Usually, I don't like interacting with famous people.

My star quality went up to 24%!!!

And I asked Zebulon Gurley to produce our first single!!! He's the cutest thing on earth!!! We do not know each other very well, and he did not have any skill of that kind but he is learning to become our producer!!! Thanks a lot Zeb!!!!

Still 40th

I arrived to Mexico City on 13th May and moved to an small apartment, not bad, for now just enough. I realized some funny trick were done to me by Naz Rençber and Nick Clarke nice guys, because I am feeling a little lonely.
I saw Joan Lluis Ares a pair of times in a hurry, what a hunk!!! I hope I can meet him again soon, but I don't think I dare to ask him to date me, I wouldn't like to get the formal path in this relationship.

I chatted with Thérèse and Jacques, he is very cute and flirty and he's getting very well with her, but I hate double games, and I don't think this threesome will get further... He asked me to join the band, but I am not sure the way it may affect our performance.

Too much thinking... It may be time to start comoposing, something good may come out of this thoughts... one more week in Mexico and then we will continue with ths show in Melbourne.

Ankara

I'm in Ankara today, my band's minivan brokedown yesterday in Instambul, and I spent more than €500 to fix it!!! Darn it!!! When will it come the day when I can earn more than I spend... (Sniff) ;(



Anyway, Frank asked me out on a date an it's been quite pleasant... very pleasant. He is very nice to me, and have given me a diamond armband as present. I love diamonds, only they last forever. We dance, we drank, we chatted... nothing much to be told. I hope we'll meet soon anytime.

I'll finish the day jamming with Thérèse, and hope I'll improve some of my composing skills... much to do and so little time...